You Can Call Me Al

A man walks down the street

He says, "Why am I soft in the middle, now?"

Why am I soft in the middle, now?

The rest of my life is so hard

I need a photo-opportunity

I want a shot at redemption

Don't want to end up a cartoon

In a cartoon graveyard

Bonedigger, Bonedigger

Dogs in the moonlight

Far away in my well-lit door

Mr. Beer-belly, Beer-belly

Get these mutts away from me

You know, I don't find this stuff amusing anymore

If you'll be my bodyguard

I can be your long-lost pal

I can call you Betty

And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al

A man walks down the street

He says, "Why am I short of attention?"

Got a short little span of attention

And, whoa, my nights are so long

Where's my wife and family?

What if I die here?

Who'll be my role model

Now that my role model is gone, gone?

He ducked back down the alley

With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl

All along, along

There were incidents and accidents

There were hints and allegations

If you'll be my bodyguard

I can be your long-lost pal

I can call you Betty

And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al

If you'll be my bodyguard

I can be your long-lost pal

I can call you Betty

And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al, you can call me Al

You can call me Al

You can call me Al