Thank God for Girls

The girl in the pastry shop with the net in her hair

Is making a cannoli for you to take on your hiking trip in the woods

With your bros that you've known since second grade and you

May encounter dragons and ruffians and be

Called upon to employ your testosterone

In a battle for supremacy and access to females glued to the TV

And even if you are victorious

You may receive many cuts and bruises and scrapes and you will

Require band-aids and antiseptic ointments

And tender love and kisses on your stab wounds

And when you come home she will be there waiting

For you with a fire in her eyes

And a big fat cannoli to shove in your mouth

And that's why you

Thank God for girls

Holla Jesu Christe

From Tennessee to LA

Thank God for girls

On your reckoning day

You better bow down and pray

She's so big, she's so strong

She's so energetic in her sweaty overalls

Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)

Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)

Thank God for girls

I'm so glad I got a girl to think of

Even though she isn't mine

I think about her all the day and all the night, it's a

'Nuff to know that she's a-live, she says I

Give her sweaty palms, she almost had a heart attack

The truth is that I'm just as scared, I don't know how to act

I wish that I could get to know her better, but

Meeting up in real life would cause illusion to shatter, oh I

I carved her name into all the trees

I sang a song down on one knee

Looking at the underwear page in the Sears catalog like when I was 14

I'm levitating like a magnet turned the wrong way around

I'm like an Indian fakir tryin' to meditate

On a bed of nails with my pants pulled down

Thank God for girls

Holla Jesu Christe

From Tennessee to LA

Thank God for girls

On your reckoning day

You better bow down and pray

She's so big, she's so strong

She's so energetic in her sweaty overalls

Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)

Thank God for girls (Thank God for girls)

Thank God for girls

God took a rib from Adam

Ground it up in a centrifuge machine

Mixed it with cardamom and cloves

Microwaved it on the "Popcorn" setting while Adam was like (woo hoo) "that really hurts"

Goin' off into the tundra, so pissed at God

And he started lightin' mighty forest fires stealin' osprey eggs

Messing with the bees who would try to pollinate the echinacea

Until God said "I'm a smite you with loneliness and break your heart in two"

And Adam wept and wailed, tearing out his hair

Falling on his knees, looked to the sky and said

"Thank God"